I Hope Michael Cera Gets _______ to _____ by a Stingray

I had Chinese food earlier.  I love Chinese food, it's pretty much the best food in existence.  Now, I don't know about you, but after I've had a lot of delicious Chinese food, then I have to take a long poo.  So there I was, typical fair, sitting on the toilet reading a Maxim because I'm just awesome like that. When I stumbled on this article about the next graphic novel Hollywood is attempting to adapt, "Scott Pilgrim."

Now I've never read, or even heard of "Scott Pilgrim," I've never really been into reading comics or graphic novels, which is just another brick in the tall dark wall of pop culture seperating me from most other people, or at least most people that I know.  To paraphrase Maxim, imagine meeting this girl and having to fight all her ex-boyfriends "Super Smash Brother's" style in order to earn the right to date her.

Well I continued to read and saw that Edgar Wright is directing, and I was all like "holy herpes cock-sickle, Edgar Wright is directing, this movie's going to be bad-ass reverse-trap awesome.  But, then I continued to read and saw that Michael Cera is playing the title role, Scott Pilgrim.

Michael Cera can't do anything except apear akward, much less engage in "Super Samsh Brother's" like fighting.  Plus, I've heard that he's the only one holding back on doing an "Arrested Development" feature, which would very possible be the absolute best movie ever made.

Michael, this is an intervention.  Stop it, just... no more.  I saw your little web show "Clark and Michael" it was alright, but you just acted awkward in it.  I've already expressed my passionate wet dream for "Arrested Development" but again you just acted awkward.  Did you even play a part in "Juno" all I remember is Ellen Page telling witty jokes between scenes of that awkward kid from "Arrested Development."  You were in "Super Bad," and that was pretty cool;  which one were you, McLovin or the fat kid, oh no that's right, you were the awkward unfunny one.  And, lets just not even talk about "Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist"  I could barely sit through that ass pie hurricane.  Okay, sorry.  Look, it's not you Michael, I don't have a problem with you.  Michael Cera's a cool guy eh, acts awkward and doesn't afraid of anything.  I just wish people would realize that you're not funny, and stop putting you in movies that don't necessitate a character walking around acting awkward.