Year In Summary Part 2: Top Five Time Wasters of '09

The following is a list of the top five things that I wasted my time on this year, instead of actually trying to achieve the goal of being a filmmaker/storyteller.

5: TextsFromLastNight and/or Sleeping:  That site all your friends go to, and you appeared on in a drunken haze and/or what you do instead of leading a life.

    The Point:  To laugh at other people's misfortunes.  Texts From Last Night is an amazing site!!  Alternatively, I find myself there too much.  Also, Sleeping.  The point?  Well, to rebuild your body or some shit, I don't know.  I think its so you don't see the little faeries that come into your room at night, and stink it up with their body odor, or flatulence, and make it seem like it was you and you shouldn't have eaten those chicken wings, with five doubles of Cranberry and Vodka.

4: VH1:  Its that other station that used to show music videos.

    The Point:  Vh1 use to be amazing.  Because Mtv started sucking, and some how actually achieved a status worse than just sucking when it started showing The Hills, etc.  Anyway, Vh1 was awesome, they still showed music videos.  Of course, now they don't, but they are still a brilliant waste of time.  I found myself multiple times through out this year stopping and watching shows like For the Love of Ray J, or whatever, plus I still love the I Love the Millenium stuff, or even Best Week Ever.  Vh1 has everything.  Im kind of looking forward to the next season of Celebrity Rehab, I love Dr. Drew.

3: Farmville:  This is one of those ridiculous flash games that are on Facebook. 

    The Point:  You are a farmer, and you have to harvest your crops, gain money, build your farm, and harvest your crops again before they wither in this action packed game, that paces anywhere from harvesting your crops in four hours, or waiting like three days for cotton to grow.  I would have to state that this is a huge, huge time waster.

2:  Drinking:  This is something you do at the bar amongst friends, or by yourself.

    The Point:  Um, does it really need one?  It's drinking.  The only reason why I am stating this as a time waster, is because i have the knack for either getting really excited or depressed.  So plenty of time was probably wasted drinking a beer, sitting on the porch, and thinking about women that don't matter, or pining over those who do.  This can also be counter attacked with the excitedness of watching something really cool, like the movie Thirst, and then having a 40 minute conversation about it because you are too drunk to drive.

1:  Working:  This is something you do to kill your creativity.

    The Point:  To make money, try to make a living for yourself, all while pushing all those dreams you once had into the back of your head, where you can barely find any time to deal with them.  I guess this isn't really a waste of time so to speak.  I mean, I have health insurance now, which I haven't had in a number of years.  I get paid nicely to listen to people complain all the time over the phone.  But at the same time, I find myself writing less and less, or rather, not having the time to.  Jobs are ridiculous.  Can't one get paid to write?  That happens sometimes, doesn't it?  Oh well, we'll see.  If Tucker Max can make money being a complete douche that you want to punch in the throat, then I suppose others can as well.  Well, off to work now, I get to bring in the new year by answering calls. 

Because Reading is almost Obsolete

First off, lets mention that Reading Rainbow if officially ending its run on teaching children the importance of reading.  I get that they are putting more money into teach children how to read, but I don't think that is simply enough.  Congrats, you can read, but if at a young age you aren't taught the enjoyment of how great it is to get sucked into a book (not like in Neverending Story,) but where you sit for hours on end and don't even notice your surroundings because you are so enthralled.  If, and this is coming from a filmmaker, if you only watch movies, and don't read books, you are an idiot.  I can put that only so nicely.  You may be a nice idiot, maybe even a smart idiot.  But f'ing read already.  It's great, it's fun, it's educational, and gosh darn it, you have no reason not to.

That being said, here is the link for the Apple Exclusive trailer for "The Men Who Stare At Goats."  It looks fun and entertaining.  And if you want to read the book, written by Jon Ronson, you can't because it is currently out of print.  It looks like they will be re-releasing the book, with the upcoming movie sure to be a hit, they might as well.  Who wants to be the cover is the same as the poster? 

Currently Reading:  Last Night of the Earth Poems, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I Hope Michael Cera Gets _______ to _____ by a Stingray

I had Chinese food earlier.  I love Chinese food, it's pretty much the best food in existence.  Now, I don't know about you, but after I've had a lot of delicious Chinese food, then I have to take a long poo.  So there I was, typical fair, sitting on the toilet reading a Maxim because I'm just awesome like that. When I stumbled on this article about the next graphic novel Hollywood is attempting to adapt, "Scott Pilgrim."

Now I've never read, or even heard of "Scott Pilgrim," I've never really been into reading comics or graphic novels, which is just another brick in the tall dark wall of pop culture seperating me from most other people, or at least most people that I know.  To paraphrase Maxim, imagine meeting this girl and having to fight all her ex-boyfriends "Super Smash Brother's" style in order to earn the right to date her.

Well I continued to read and saw that Edgar Wright is directing, and I was all like "holy herpes cock-sickle, Edgar Wright is directing, this movie's going to be bad-ass reverse-trap awesome.  But, then I continued to read and saw that Michael Cera is playing the title role, Scott Pilgrim.

Michael Cera can't do anything except apear akward, much less engage in "Super Samsh Brother's" like fighting.  Plus, I've heard that he's the only one holding back on doing an "Arrested Development" feature, which would very possible be the absolute best movie ever made.

Michael, this is an intervention.  Stop it, just... no more.  I saw your little web show "Clark and Michael" it was alright, but you just acted awkward in it.  I've already expressed my passionate wet dream for "Arrested Development" but again you just acted awkward.  Did you even play a part in "Juno" all I remember is Ellen Page telling witty jokes between scenes of that awkward kid from "Arrested Development."  You were in "Super Bad," and that was pretty cool;  which one were you, McLovin or the fat kid, oh no that's right, you were the awkward unfunny one.  And, lets just not even talk about "Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist"  I could barely sit through that ass pie hurricane.  Okay, sorry.  Look, it's not you Michael, I don't have a problem with you.  Michael Cera's a cool guy eh, acts awkward and doesn't afraid of anything.  I just wish people would realize that you're not funny, and stop putting you in movies that don't necessitate a character walking around acting awkward.